Issue #05 | Febuary 2006

Live consciously. Create a life that you love. Attract the loving relationship that is "right" for you.

Today’s Topic: Keeping The Faith

Happy Valentine’s Day!

What ambivalent feelings this highly commercialized celebration can trigger!

For people not in a love relationship, Valentine’s Day starkly underscores that fact. For those in unsatisfying relationships, it can be a painful reminder of their less-than-perfect situations. Even for those in happy relationships, Valentine’s Day can show up as a big PRESSURE to find yet another new and creative way to say “I love you”.

So this year, reclaim Valentine’s Day for yourself and decide how YOU wish to mark its passage. To me, the day is about expressing love, in all its many and varied forms. Love for a friend, for a partner, for a sibling, for a pet, for one’s self. Love is the important thing – how wonderful that we can experience it in so many shapes and sizes!

So I will take this opportunity to express my appreciation for YOU, my beloved reader. Thank-you for allowing me and my thoughts to be part of your world.

Shirley Vollett, BSW
Life & Relationship Coach

Something to think about…

Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase.
-Martin Luther King Jr.

The journey to find a loving relationship may have some discouraging twists and turns. So I am often reminded of both the importance and the challenge of “keeping the faith” during your relationship quest.

Faith is the belief in or expectation of a positive outcome to your relationship search. Faith is trusting that the partner you desire exists and you will find him/her.

Without an attitude of faith, even the best dating service or internet site is unlikely to bring you success. Without an attitude of positive expectation, you probably won’t recognize Mr. or Ms. Right even if they do show up!

Generating faith is an essential aspect of realizing any goal, whether that goal is a new job, a healthy body or a loving relationship.

Faith is not a passive state of being. It doesn’t just “happen”. Quite the contrary, an attitude of faith is both active and creative. I believe there are three important aspects to “keeping the faith” in your quest for true love:

1) Believe you can have it.
2) Persist in your intention.
3) Take action toward your goal.

1) Believe you can have it.

An essential part of “keeping the faith” is cultivating a belief that you will find true love. This belief must be generated from within yourself. Others may be optimistic that you will find your mate. However they can’t believe FOR you – it is something you must generate for yourself.

Believing isn’t wishful thinking or vague hope. Belief is focused and precise.
Belief is the conviction that a loving relationship is POSSIBLE for you and IT WILL HAPPEN – even if there is no evidence or proof.

You may have negative beliefs which you will need to challenge, to make way for this positive expectation. Thoughts like:


“There’s no one out there for me.”
“There aren’t enough good men/women to go around.”

“I’ve never had good luck in relationships.”

For tips on dealing with this kind of negative thinking, see my last newsletter: Freeing Yourself From Despair. It’s good news when you become aware of those negative beliefs, because then you can choose if you want to keep them. Your power lies in replacing those negative beliefs with a positive one -- a belief that you will succeed in having what you desire.

Belief is the committed stance that there is a “right” person out there for you and you will find them. It involves engaging your imagination, your determination, and your trust in a loving and creative intelligence in the universe. When you believe, the only question that remains is not “if” it will happen, but “when” it will happen.

2) Persist in your intention.

When you listen to someone make a promise, you can usually tell by the tone of their voice if they will follow through on it. If they sound hesitant and unsure, it’s likely they’ll renege. If they sound definite and strong, you know they will likely deliver on their intention.

The desire to be in a loving relationship must translate into a strong intention, to gain the power it needs to come to fruition. A strongly held intention is like a line drawn in the sand. It announces that: This is what I want, this is where I’m headed and I will stay the course.

Once you’ve taken a stand on having the relationship you desire, you will need persistence to see you through to success. Keeping the faith involves remaining loyal to your vision of the relationship you desire.

Persistence is an ongoing process -- one that inspires you to pick yourself up and try again, when a date is disappointing or your phone call isn’t returned. Persistence means taking a stand, over and over, that you can have the relationship of your dreams and that you won’t settle for less.

3) Take action toward your goal.

It’s often been said that you will only fail if you quit -- if you give up before you’ve reached your goal. This is true regarding relationship too. There are plenty of opportunities to become discouraged and negative. An attitude of faith involves taking action towards your goal, despite the emotional ups and downs along the way.

When I first launched my coaching practice, I was constantly fearful that I would fail. Every little set-back felt disheartening and looked like a sign that it wasn’t going to work out. Yet as I continued to take small risks to market and become known, my practice began to grow.

Although it took many months to build my practice to the size I desired, along the way I realized that I would only fail if I quit. I would only fail if I gave up before I reached my goal. If I persisted and continued taking small steps, I was sure to succeed eventually. Once I realized that, I could relax and enjoy the journey!

If you’re hesitant or fearful of taking action, ask yourself: “What small step or small risk can I take this week toward my goal of being in relationship?”
Read a book? Check out a dating service? Accept that social invitation? Ask for support?

A wise teacher of mine once said, “We always know the next ‘right thing’ to do.” You don’t need to see the whole path -- just the next step. Take it, and your path to relationship will unfold, one step at a time.

Believe you can have your heart’s desire, persist in your intention and take action in faith. If you can do that, I believe you will be guided to the life experiences you need to prepare you for relationship -- and to the people and resources who can help and support you along the way. Every step you take in faith, will draw you closer to that real, live partner who is out there right now, looking for you.

Invitation to action
Write a letter of introduction and welcome to the lover/partner that you long for. Encourage them in their quest to find you and let them know how much you look forward to being with them. Notice the connection that already exists between you. Then put the letter in a safe place to await their arrival.

Shirley Vollett, BSW is a Life & Relationship Coach who loves to support and encourage singles in their quest to have a satisfying, successful life AND relationship.


Contact shirley@vollett.com to receive your free Relationship Readiness Review and a Complimentary Coaching Session with Shirley.

Shirley offers Get Ready For Love! A Program for Singles. Clarify your vision for your life & relationship. Then strategize how to make it happen. Read more at www.shirley.vollett.com/singlesgetready.htm

Visit shirley.vollett.com to find out more about Shirley's coaching services.

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This newsletter may be forwarded in full without special permission provided it is used for nonprofit purposes and full attribution and copyright notice are given. For any other purposes, contact shirley@vollett.com.

Copyright © 2006 by Shirley Vollett.
All rights reserved.



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