Topic: Ready for a relationship? REALLY?
sharing ideas, wisdom, tips and resources to empower you in living
your life to the fullest and in having a conscious, loving relationship.
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Life & Relationship Coach
Something to think about…
are not ready for commitment for a variety of reasons, but they
don't want to be alone, and so they date to find a partner anyway.
When their dating strategy doesn't align with their readiness status,
these singles unconsciously set themselves up for failure, complicating
their lives and those of their dating partners.” –David
Are you ready for a relationship?
desire to be in a loving relationship is often so deep and strong,
it takes courage and awareness to ask yourself: Am I really READY
for a relationship?
You may already feel impatient that the relationship of your dreams
has not yet materialized. Any suggestion that you might have to
wait even longer -- especially if you have been waiting a long time
-- is difficult to entertain.
However, the reality is that many singles may WANT a relationship
without really having their lives and their emotions READY to attract
and support one. I often see this in my coaching work and I experienced
it myself as a single person.
come to coaching impatient that Mr. or Ms. Right hasn’t shown
up yet. “What is the hold-up?” they wonder. “Why
isn’t it happening for me?”
Some are angry:
“Why don’t I have a mate? So-and-so is married and I
have a lot more going for me than him/her!”
Some are resigned: “I did the clubs and the internet dating
scene and I’m still not meeting anyone. Why bother?”
Some have descended into negativity turned inward: “There
must be something wrong with ME.”
If you haven’t found the relationship you desire,
perhaps there is another reason.
assume something is wrong (with you OR the universe), it may be
more helpful to consider that perhaps you’re not READY for
the relationship you desire. And the fact that it hasn’t
occurred, is simply a reflection of your readiness.
When I was
single, I remember how liberating it was for me to let go of my
insistence that I was ready for a relationship. This paved the
way for a huge shift in perspective.
Up until then,
I was certain that I was ready -- and I would have taken exception
to anyone who suggested otherwise. Goodness knows I had done many
things to prepare myself. I had ended a long-standing entanglement.
I’d let go of those “fall-back” relationships
with men that I knew really weren’t right for me. I had
decided I wouldn’t get involved with anyone that I didn’t
think was a potential partner – no more dead-end flings.
Surely I was READY!
what? Mr. Right had not materialized, despite my confidence. I
was frustrated and bewildered.
Then it dawned
on me that I might have it all backward. Maybe I’d know
I was ready when I was actually IN the relationship. And if I
wasn’t yet IN the relationship, perhaps that was a sign
that I wasn’t yet ready! What a thought!
perspective gave me a lot of freedom.
If I was not yet in a relationship, then there must be more getting
ready to do! GETTING READY became the focus, rather than bemoaning
the fact that my partner had not shown up.
At first I was not sure what more was needed to be ready. However,
I was now open to looking. I became receptive to seeing what further
changes I might want to make in my life and I got to work on those.
(Improving my financial situation was what showed up for me to focus
on. I realized that if I wanted to ATTRACT a financially prosperous
and responsible partner, then I’d better make sure that I
was BEING the kind of financially responsible person I wanted to
long after this shift in focus and action, that my soon-to-be husband
appeared in my life. Only then, did I conclude that I was READY!
Of course, every single person is already Ready,
to some degree.
experienced up to this point in your life will contribute to your
next relationship. The following questions can help you identify
your readiness strengths:
you’ve identified your readiness strengths, you may be
open to looking at how you could improve your readiness.
following questions may help you to reflect:
What area or areas in your life are causing you problems or worry
that might affect a relationship?
Is there anything that could interfere with your availability in a
Are you free and clear of past relationships – legally and emotionally?
Is your work so demanding that you have little time for a relationship?
Do you have difficulty communicating or setting boundaries with others?
Are you happy with your life and not seeking a relationship out of
you’ve identified the ways that you could improve your
readiness for relationship, you have a blueprint for taking
your relationship readiness will give you a positive focus for your
energy, as opposed to feeling impatient and frustrated. And as you
enhance your readiness for relationship, you will become MUCH
MORE ATTRACTIVE in the process!
Use the questions
listed above to reflect on your relationship readiness.
Select an area from your life which could use some improvement (your
work, your finances, your communication skills, your health, etc.
). Identify an action step that you could take in this area and
do it. As your relationship readiness improves, so will your attractiveness.
Vollett, BSW is a Life & Relationship Coach who loves to support
and encourage singles in their quest to have a satisfying, successful
life AND relationship.
like to further explore your own relationship readiness, contact
receive a free Relationship Readiness Review and a Complimentary
Coaching Session with Shirley. Type “Readiness Review”
in the subject line.
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